Title Page


















THE DREAM PUSHERS--CAPTIVATED BY A SYSTEM OF DECEIT

BY
DANIEL M. WALKER
Email: thedreampushers@yahoo.com





Agent

Appendix: Thy Shall Not

Appendix

Thy Shall Not

The Ten Commandments from God was not enough for Jehovah's Organization so they mandated another 105 commandments.

Accept Blood
Associate on a regular basis with nonbelievers
Associate with ex-members
Associate with disfellowshipped ones
Attend Alcoholics Anonymous
Attend another Church (Spiritual Fornication)
Attend Religious Schools
Attend class reunions
Attend school prom
Box
Be hypnotize
Become a Cheerleader
Become a Police Officer
Buy Girl Scout Cookies
Buy lottery tickets
Build or remodel any other religious church building
Buy a raffle ticket
Campaign for a Candidate
Celebrate Mother's Day
Celebrate Father's Day
Celebrate Grandparent's Day
Celebrate Birthdays
Celebrate Thanksgiving
Celebrate New Year's Eve or Day
Celebrate Christmas
Celebrate Halloween
Celebrate Easter
Celebrate Flag Day
Celebrate Independence Day (Fourth of July)
Celebrate Hanukkah
Celebrate St. Patrick's Day
Celebrate Valentine's Day
Celebrate "Any" Holiday
Curse
Create Holiday artwork in school
Contribute to the Presidential Campaign Fund
Date without supervision - young or old
Divorce unless scriptural (adultery or fornication is committed by one partner)
Divorcee cannot remarry unless ex fornicates first
Donate Blood
Donate to Relief Organizations like the Red Cross, Salvation Army, Charities and more
Exercise your on conscience if it goes against the religion
Engage in any risky acts such as: Sky Diving, Bungee Jumping, or Hang Gliding
Eat Lucky Charms Cereal (References to Magical)
Fight for your country
Firearms
Gamble
Have a funeral in another Church or attend a funeral in another Church
Have Christian freedom
Have Jesus as your Mediator and Savior
College (only if it benefits the Society)
Join organization that has ties to any religion Christianity included.
Join the YMCA
Join the Military
Join the Boy Scouts
Join the Girl Scouts
Join Sororities or Fraternities
Marry a nonbeliever (If you do, you are judged hard by the congregation)
Marry in another Church or attend a wedding in another Church
Martial Arts disciplines
Own a religious picture or statue
Own a Smurf
Pray, with a nonbeliever if he says the prayer
Partake in the Last Supper or Communion unless you are one of the 144,000 who Profess
to be of the "Faithful and Discreet Class"
Practice Yoga
Participate in holiday parties at school
Participate in union affairs
Pierce ears if male, other body parts if female
Play Bingo
Play School Sports (No competition allowed)
Play Professional Sports
Question the Watchtower Society on anything
Read Horoscopes Promote anything Superstitious
Read negative information about the Society
Run for any Public Office
Run for class president
Salute the Flag
Say "Bless You" when someone sneezes
Say "Good Luck!", "Wish me Luck", "I was Lucky" or "You were Lucky"
Say "It was fate" or mention anything to do with "fate"
Sell cigarettes, pipes or a cigars
Shop at the Salvation Army
Shop at any Store that has Christian ties
Sing the National Anthem
Sing any Holiday Songs
Smoke cigarettes, pipes or a cigars
Stand for Flag salute
Store your own blood before an operation
Strike against a Company
Study Martial Arts disciplines Study other religious articles not from the Society
Sue another Jehovah's Witness
Tattoos
Talk with disfellowshipped ones
Tell ghost stories
Toast drinks (pagan origin)
Throw rice at a wedding (pagan origin)
Throw a penny into a wishing well
Volunteer for the Salvation Army
Vote (Conscience matter now to please Governments, you will be ostracized if you do)
Watch R rated movies
Watch TV sit coms or movies dealing with the occult
Wear Clothing Associated with War; e.g. Combats or Army Tops
Wear blue jeans or casual clothes to the Kingdom Hall
Wear pants to the Kingdom Hall if you are a female
Wear skirts or dresses that are above the knee at any time
Wear any type of long hair if you are a man
Wear a beard in some Kingdom Halls and areas (judged hard)
Wear or own a Cross
Wind charms--they represent a pagan symbol for scaring away demons
Women can't hold a position of responsibility in the congregation
Work for another religious organization
Worldly association
Woman praying must cover your head in the presence of men.
Wrestle

Chapter 26 Outside the System of Deceit

CHAPTER 26 OUTSIDE THE SYSTEM OF DECEIT.

I was elated when I saw Trisha’s older brother come strolling down the hall with Grandma, at lease he was "worldly" and despised Jehovah Witnesses. I thought I might try to reestablish our friendship after all these years of my being so self-righteous and condescending. Lord knows I needed a friend to help me get through this hell.

Every chance I had alone with him I told him about every secret I discovered and reiterated my conversation to him about what I had told Trisha. His eyes popped opened as if he couldn’t believe the words I was saying--they were one hundred and eighty degrees from what I had preached for thirty some years.The extent of his reactions came as he said, "I always knew it was a cult, but Mom is too old, now, to have her faith destroyed. I don’t know whether there is a heaven, or hell, or even a life after death but don’t tell Mom what you told me. It would kill her."

So here, I stood in the middle of a spiritual war and the devil himself was leaving me out to dry. I guess I deserved it. You don’t make friends of an enemy the day of a fight, but spilling my guts purged me from being sanctimonious.
The next to the last time Tren spoke to me was the night her Mom cried out, "Mama, Mama, I want my Mama!"

I burst in tears and ran down the corridor to where several of "the friends" were congregated laughing and telling jokes, and in the midst of the love fest I shouted, "Where in the hell is Grandma?" The laughter subsided--puzzled expressions dotted the faces of the loyal brotherhood, and Alex said, "Why? She went to the motel; she is tired."

"Trisha wants her mama that’s why. Now somebody get their ass in gear and go get her." The fir that was a flying caught fire from the brimstones issuing from my command, and Alex took my advice and jogged toward the elevator.

Tren said," I’ll go sit with Mama. The brothers want to talk to you."
Matt Wells, the Presiding Overseer broke huddle and said, "Brother Walker, there has been rumors you doubt the Organization as being God’s Channel on Earth." The jovial atmosphere turned cloudy as the laughing and conversations ended with Matt’s statement.

You could have heard a pin drop except for my dumb reply, "Huh?" I was expecting the conversation to be about Trisha, their sister in the faith and her prognosis--not about apostasy--not at this time.
"I want to know if you believe the "Faithful and Discreet Slave" is Jehovah’s Channel of Communication here on Earth."

"What are you talking about?" I asked playing dumb, wanting to stay away from answering an incriminating question. I was not prepared to be "disfellowshipped" so I became indignant and blurted out, "I know what you are getting at. You are not interested in my wife or her health or whether she lives or dies." Matt took a step back and every eye shot wide open in surprise.

"That’s not true, we are here to give your family support, but we need to keep the congregation clean. You know that. You were an elder and you know keeping the congregation clean is the most important obligation we have as elders."

"I don’t have time to discuss the Channel of God," I turned around and pushed open the heavy observation doors separating the isolation area from the visitors' area, and as I stepped through the threshold I completed the sentence, "but I’ll tell you something-- they were wrong--about 1975." I should have kept my mouth shut, because with that statement, I placed the first nail on my coffin's lid, and they were searching for a reason to set it, and then drive it in.

Mom arrived with Alex just in time to hear a heart-crushing plea, "Mama, Mama."
There was a pause. Mom walked over to the bed, grasped her daughter’s hands, and said, "Mama’s here baby, Mama’s here." Mom gazed at me, and I glanced around the room and saw disgust and contempt in Tren’s and Alex’s face.

There was another pause as Trisha breathed a shallow breath and once again repeated the phrase I had been hearing for the past forty-eight hours, "Help me--ple-e-e-ease help me."

Mom leaned over the rails, held her daughter’s hand, caressed her arms, and turned toward me and said, "Her hands and arms are so cold." Tears flowed down her weathered face, and then she asked, "Do you think we should turn the thermostat up?" Her question went ignored as Trisha slipped deeper into the coma as she continued repeating, "Help me--ple-e-e-ase help me."

With each plea, her mother looked at me and said, "Help her Rags, help her! Why won’t you help her?"

"There isn’t anything any body can do," I stammered. "I couldn't force her to take a blood transfusion," I lied, applying the techniques I learned throughout the years from the Society's teachings. My lies were about the only part of my spiritual warfareI carried out with precision over the past six days as they wisped her away each morning at dawn to transfuse her with every fraction of blood components except whole blood. "The doctor explained, her subconscious is repeating her last conscious thought before going into the coma." I continued trying to explain Doctor Zuker’s explanation to me, " 'He said the dialysis is no longer working and the uric acid from her Kidney failure is being pumped through out her body and poisoning her system from the lack of oxygen.' " My eyes filled , my voice cracked, as it did when "Lit'el Rags" passed away, and my heart broke again when between Trisha's pleads for help, Mom walked out and said, "I hate you. You are killing my daughter."
Tren agreed with her Grandma as she said, "You’re letting Mama die." Lee stood there like a stump on a log, watching the fall of the Walker family as if it were the fall of the Roman Empire before he left for work--disconnected and un-sympathizing. I getting my just deserts. I was at wits end and Rachelle, the one I would not have bet a plugged nickel on to be with me at the end--stuck with me. Lee returned later that night and sat quiet as a church mouse--emotionless--watching Rachelle and me saturate the bed covers with our heartaches.

It was 4 AM when I press the nurse's button. I knew it was over and the words, she is gone, Mr. Walker, left Rachelle weeping, Lee telling me I needed to call the motel and inform the family, and me numb. The three of us followed Janet out into the dim lit hall where she reached out, touched my shoulder demonstrating a degree of compassion, and said, "The chapel is open." I guess it was the best she could do as a person who witness daily the suffering die, and their families and friends walking away crushed.

"No thank you. That is the last thing I need."

"If there is anything you need, let us know."

"Thank you Ms. Wilcox, just let the morning shift know I appreciated their professional attitude in working with me." There was an eerie quietness as she walked away. I called the motel and stood there dumb-founded with Rachelle, waiting for the family to gather and give me some suggestions. My spiritual stratagem had gone awry, the family arrived and my hopes died.

I do not know if one can go "gently into the night," but I do know that with the death of Trisha I came to the realization that I was going to die. I will never see the new system or live on the promised paradise Earth. I had turned my life and my family's life over to a gang of twelve men. Men who claimed to be the channel of God, who, with a vote of two thirds, not only captured Dorothy, the tin man, the lion, and the scarecrow, but enslaved an entire religious community of over six and one half million honest hearted men, women, and children whose only fault was seeking truth, understanding, kindness, and valor.

In the span of six days, thirty-four years were lost along with my wife, two grand children, one daughter, a son-in-law, three brother-in-laws, a mother-in-law, two sister-in-laws, and over a hundred friendships, and thousands of acquaintances who shared with me, whether they agreed with it or not, an extraordinary bond, a paradisaic dream, of ever-lasting life on Earth. The dream, in which I would see "Lit'el Rags resurrected, the dream, of walking hand in hand with all my resurrected love ones, the dream, which turned into a nightmare for millions of us who became the dream pushers because we became captivated by a system of deceit and freed only by the quest for why.

"There are more instances of the abridgment of the freedom of the people by gradual
and silent encroachments of those in power than by violent and sudden usurpations."
James Madison, June 16, 1788


.






The End

Chapter 25 Hypocrisies Revealed

Chapter 25 Hypocrisies Revealed

We drifted off to sleep and after I awoke, I drove to the library and the librarian located a copy of In search of Christian Freedom. I bought a library card, took the book home. I had one month before I had to return it. It was large, filled with critical reasoning points, but since I was not trying to re-define religion nor was I looking for another religious organization, or a new belief system, or excuses why religion was the way it is; I lost interest in it, but I thumbed through the book picking topics that titillated my interest. I ran across an interesting point concerning the Governing body and the mystic injection of their self importance using their application of one of the most quoted and paraphrased scriptures ever to be used by the Society:"Who really is the faithful and discreet slave whom his Master appointed over his domestics, to give them their food at the proper time? Happy is that slave if his master on arriving finds him doing so. Truly I say to you, he will appoint him over all his belongings."--Matthew Chapter 24, verses 45 through 47.

Through their creative translation Franz wrote, "In their calls for loyalty and submission, no other portion of Scripture is so frequently appealed to by the Governing Body of Jehovah’s Witnesses ... it is employed primarily to support the concept of a centralized administrative authority," He drives in the stake further as he confirms what every witness is taught, "There is not the slightest question that in the minds of Jehovah’s Witnesses ... the "food at the due time" provided by the "slave" is the information supplied by the Brooklyn-centered Watch Tower Organization."

The arrival of the book, Crisis of Conscience brought about my own crisis of conscience. It was as if I had taken a bite of the Fruit of Knowledge of Good and Bad. The more I read, the more I became disillusioned with the organization even though Franz did not write in a condemning voice as he described the process of how new light came about. The first slap in my face came as I learned the "tacking" and new light was not from consulting the Bible, but it was discussed then brought up for a vote. He discussed the meeting when they were going to consider the subject of changing blood transfusions from a disfellowshipping offense to an approved medical procedure. It needed a two third vote to pass, but one of the members did not show; therefore, the blood issue remained a disfellowshipping offense. Bang! Something snapped! I did not recognize my voice, the curse words came out as if a floodgate opened, "God damn it!" I shouted, "The son of bitches didn’t even pray, they just voted. I lost my son because of a God damn vote."

The next surprise and slap to my face was the explanation of the Malawi atrocities as explained by Ray:"It was under the policies of F. W. Franz that thousands of Malawians were persecuted, their homes burned to the ground. Many witness women were raped and murdered and still others had to wander as refugees. All this befell them because they were forbidden by the Watchtower Society’s unyielding policies to buy a .25-cent party-card which would have simply recognized them as politically non-threatening in the single-party-state of Malawi. Simultaneously, brothers in Mexico had been paying exorbitant fees for many years to bribe military officials to obtain a "cartilla"- This cartilla card would officially mark one as a member of the first reserves, that is, a person who had already fulfilled his military service. (Military service is prohibited by the Watchtower). All these transactions were done clandestinely. When brothers in Mexico read in the WT what was happening to their dear brothers in Malawi, their consciences pricked them. Bethel headquarters subsequently received a flood of mail from Mexico asking what to do about their very similar, but covert situation. The response from Watchtower headquarters? "It’s a conscience matter."

I was now beside myself and no longer endeavored to hide the book or hide my feelings. The deeper I got into the book the less I cared if I was caught, matter of fact I was now brazen in my display of the book. I began laying it on our bedroom TV, set it on the kitchen counter, doing anything to get a reaction from Trisha. She never once inquired about the book so when I completed it I started injecting certain points. Each day as we were preparing supper together I mentioned a point or two and we discuss it. I never tried to ram anything down her throat concerning any of the doctrines until one evening she said, "You’re not the same person I used to know. You don’t go to the meetings anymore and it is affecting the boys. Silas told me last night he wasn’t going to the meetings anymore."

"He’s nineteen now and he doesn’t live here anymore. I’ve talked to-"

"I knew it. I knew it." Trisha said in discuss.

"You know nothing. Look," I said, "I’ve not mention anything to either the boys of what I have been reading or researching."

"Then why has Silas’s attitude changed about Jehovah’s Organization?" she asked, her question opened our "Pandora’s Box" and from it escaped the ills; not of the world, but the multitudes of complaints I had held in my heart ever since "Lit'el" Rags died.

"First of all he’s starting to see the hypocrisy of the brothers. That jerk he works for is about as much a JW as the man in the moon. You know all this Honey. He cusses Silas out. He doesn’t pay. He has even borrowed money and not paid it back. Silas has told us over and over again." I was not telling Trisha anything she did not know, but I could not stop myself and so I continued to have diarrhea of the mouth, "Then to top it all off he fired Silas, which is for starters. There are the Jones boys. They are two faced, they lie and cuss, but they are in good standing, why? Joe is an Elder that’s why!" I was cranked up and my mouth was in overload and I continued reiterating everything we already knew and re-emphasizing the thirty years of crap I had put up with and it festered as a carbuncle and my words spewed out as if lanced, "All the crap Silas has gone through, dealing with so-called friends is getting to him. He’s told us about all this. I think he is starting to put the puzzle together." I continued to bring up more hypocritical practices, "What happen when you had your hip replacement? He was here when Alex and Tren told us the brothers deemed us un-worthy to receive a meal from the congregation because I’m bordering inactive on my field service report. It made Silas and Warren angry."

"I know! I know," she exclaimed, "I know the love in the organization is not what it use to be when we first came in, but where can we go? What can we do? The truth is all we have."

My love of my life began to cry as if her heart had been broken, and her tears broke my heart. I reached out and took her hand. "Let’s go sit on the couch," I suggested as I squeezed her hand and kissed her tear stained face. We sat down and held each other. The tension left Trisha and she became calm so I positioned myself to be able to have eye-to-eye contact with her and said, "Honey," then I took a long deep breath, squeezed her hand for assurance and stated, "I don’t have any answers, but you know I have been doing a lot of research."

"I know that," she answered, "seems like that is all you do anymore."

"Remember when we first started studying the truth I stayed up till two or three o’clock in the morning." I leaned over and gave her kiss and asked, "Why do you think I did that?"

"You said you wanted to make sure it was the truth and you told me then, it was. What is wrong now?" Trisha looked stunned and confused, and why wouldn’t she be; I was in the midst of destroying the foundation I had placed under her.

"I didn’t go outside the Society’s literature," I answered. "I didn’t think a religion would be deceptive and hide the truth, misquote writers, use only partial quotes, not name the writer of the article so the quote could not be found or researched. Wait here I found a letter from a theologian that wrote the Society accusing them of misquoting him. I printed it out."
"I don't want to see it."
"Well, you're gonna see it and I'm gonna read it to you, "I shouted from the office."I'm not making this up." I brought the printout back and showed it to her. Matter-of-fact, I shoved it in her face and said, "No matter what you say, or what excuses you make--the Society did not get this authors approval to use his work, they misquoted him and they have misapplied their scholarly translation of several scriptures to lean toward our Biblical understanding."

"I don't want to see it or hear it," she said jerking her head back from the paper."
"You think I'm an apostate, so you are going to hear this whether you want to or not."

Her face turned crimson then pale from my attitude, which she had only seen once before when she threw her engagement ring back at me and called off the wedding. I was crushed and I slung her to the ground leaving her sitting surprised in the middle of her front yard as I drove back to the base. I was about to sling her to the ground again as I began to read the letter turning the paper, forcing her to see the words.

"'Letter by Dr. Julius Mantey -
Misquoted by the Watchtower Society

Dear Sirs:

I have a copy of your letter addressed to Caris in Santa Ana, California, and I am writing to express my disagreement with statements made in that letter, as well as in quotations you have made from the Dana-Mantey Greek Grammar.
(1) Your statement: "their work allows for the rendering found in the Kingdom Interlinear Translation of the Greek Scriptures at John 1:1," There is no statement in our grammar that was ever meant to imply that "a god" was a permissible translation in John 1:1.
A. We had no "rule" to argue in support of the trinity.
B. Neither did we state that we did have such intention. We were simply delineating the facts inherent in Biblical language.
C. You quotation from p. 148 (3) was a paragraph under the heading: "With the subject in a Copulative Sentence." Two examples occur here to illustrate that "the article points out the subject in these examples." But we made no statement in this paragraph about the predicate except that, "as it stands the other persons of the trinity may be implied ;in theos." And isn't that the opposite of what your translation "a god" infers? You quoted me out of context. On pages 139 and 140 (VI) in our grammar we stated: "without the article, theos signifies divine essence...'theos en ho logos' emphasizes Christ's participation in the essence of the divine nature." Our interpretation is in agreement with that in NEB and TED: "What God was, the Word was"; and with that of Barclay: "The nature of the Word was the same as the nature of God," which you quoted in you letter to Caris.
(2) Since Colwell's and Harner's article in JBL, especially that of Harner, it is neither scholarly nor reasonable to translate John 1:1 "The Word was a god." Word-order has made obsolete and incorrect such a rendering.
(3) Your quotation of Colwell's rule is inadequate because it quotes only a part of his findings. You did not quote this strong assertion: "A predicate nominative which precedes the verb cannot be translated as an indefinite or a 'qualitative' noun solely because of the absence of the article."
(4) Prof. Harner, Vol 92:1 in JBL, has gone beyond Colwell's research and has discovered that anarthrous predicate nouns preceding the verb function primarily to express the nature or character of the subject. He found this true in 53 passages in the Gospel of John and 8 in the Gospel of Mark. Both scholars wrote that when indefiniteness was intended that gospel writers regularly placed the predicate noun after the verb, and both Colwell and Harner have stated that theos in John 1:1 is not indefinite and should not be translated "a god." Watchtower writers appear to be the only ones advocating such a translation now. The evidence appears to be 99% against them.
(5) Your statement in your letter that the sacred text itself should guide one and "not just someone's rule book." We agree with you. But our study proves that Jehovah's Witnesses do the opposite of that whenever the "sacred text" differs with their heretical beliefs. For example the translation of kolasis as cutting off when punishment is the only meaning cited in the lexicons for it. The mistranslation of ego eimi as "I have been" in John 8:58, the addition of "for all time" in Heb. 9:27 when nothing in the Greek New Testament support is. The attempt to belittle Christ by mistranslating arche tes kriseos "beginning of the creation" when he is magnified as the "creator of all things" (John 1:2) and as "equal with God" (Phil. 2:6) before he humbled himself and lived a human body on earth. Your quotation of "The father is greater than I am, (John 14:28) to prove that Jesus was not equal to God overlooks the fact stated in Phil 2:6-8. When Jesus said that he was still in his voluntary state of humiliation. That state ended when he ascended to heaven. Why the attempt to deliberately deceive people by mispunctuation by placing a comma after "today" in Luke 23:43 when in the Greek, Latin, German and all English translations except yours, even in the Greek in you KIT, the comma occurs after lego (I say) - "Today you will be with me in Paradise." 2 Cor 5:8, "to be out of the body and at home with the Lord."

These passages teach that the redeemed go immediately to heaven after death, which does not agree with your teachings that death ends all life until the resurrection. (Ps. 23:6 and Heb 1:10)

The afore mentioned are only a few examples of Watchtower mistranslations and perversions of Gods Word.

In view of the preceding facts, especially because you have been quoting me out of context, I herewith request you not to quote the Manual Grammar of the Greek New Testament again, which you have been doing for 24 years. Also that you not quote it or me in any of your publications from this time on. Also that you publicly and immediately apologize in the Watchtower magazine, since my words had no relevance to the absence of the article before theos in John 1:1. And please write to Caris and state that you misused and misquoted my "rule."

On the page before the preface in the grammar are these words: "All rights reserved -no part of this book may be reproduced in any form without permission in writing from the publisher."

If you have such permission, please send me a photo-copy of it. If you do not heed these requests you will suffer the consequences.

Regretfully yours,

Julius R. Mantey'"

"Honey, for twenty-four years they have twisted his man's work. It is unethical." I've also found partial quotes used in the evolution book taken out of context, twisted and used without obtaining the author's approval. I guess if you were planning on twisting and misapplying an author's statement you wouldn't seek his approval, would you?" I was surprised at her response.
"That sounds reasonable. Are you sure this is a real letter?"
"Yes, I looked up Mantey and he did write the book, Manual Grammar of the Greek New Testament. I’m so sorry, but I know in my heart this is not the truth," I continued to spill my guts from both ends as I related everything. I could not stop, "I have other quotes or misquotes. Do you want to see them? You need to see them. It is unbelievable, Honey. Remember the book, Life: How Did It Get Here? I know you remember the book and just like me, don't remember anything in it--for sure not any quotes."
"I remember, and you are right I don't remember anything about it, except that it proved the Society's point of view about creation."
"Well. Listen to this; I began to read the article:
"The booklet says of evolutionary biologist Richard Dawkins, referring to his book The Selfish Gene, "At this point a reader may begin to understand Dawkins' comment in the preface to his book: "This book should be read almost as though it were science fiction." (WTBS, 1985, p. 39). Life: How Did It Get Here? by the Jehovah's Witness (Watchtower Tract and Bible Society (WTBS), 1985).The implication here is that Dawkins is "admitting" that his evolutionary theories are uncertain and should be treated as "fiction." In context, though, we can see that Dawkins is saying no such thing at all: "This book should be read as though it were science fiction. It is designed to appeal to the imagination. But it is not science fiction: it is science. Cliché or not, "stranger than fiction" expresses exactly how I feel about the truth. (Dawkins, The Selfish Gene, p.ix) "Creation Science Debunked by Lenny Flank.

I showed the article to her, letting her see where I obtained it and the author's name and credits. "See? They misquoted the author; they didn't use his complete statement. They used a partial to discredit him as a scientist, claiming he called his own work, a work of fiction. How can a religious organization do that? It isn't fair to me or any of the book study conductors. We are the teachers, and giving us inaccurate information is just plain wrong. What would happen if we were at a door discussing evolution and creation and some one brought an article out like this one?"

"Embarrassing?" Her expression was priceless as a little crease developed over her eyes and a coy look spread across her face.

"To say the least," I grinned, "Just thank Jehovah that never happen, but I guess we would have done what the Society taught us to do…

"Refuse to examine the article, shake the dust from our shoes, and call them goats?" Trisha laughed, taking the words right out of my mouth.

"Yeah, exactly," I answered.

I had read everything Ray Franz said in his book about the Society, the blood issue, Malawi, the voting process, the fall of Jerusalem, the generation, and the changed baptismal questions--all are lies of deceit to bolster the prophesy of the last days.

I should have ended the discussion while I was ahead, but instead I said, "Without 1914, Honey, there is no religious basis to our religion." I had mentioned these things before in an underhanded manner--chiseling away at her foundation; but now, she was facing a wrecking ball, and the vibrations of the demolition created a fissure, and her emotions broke free.

Tears flowed, making her make-up and nose run. She jerked her hands free and shouted, "It’s not fair! It’s your fault! You studied! You said this is the truth. Mama was baptized because of you. Our son died, now after all these years you are telling me everything I believe in is just a joke--not real--a hoax, nothing more than any other church of Christendom." Her statement, slurred with ramblings of disbelief turned into fear. "Tren, my grand kids," she cried, "I don’t want to loose them. You know Alex will take them away from me. I’ll never be able to hug them and talk to them. I’ll die; just die, and you have no answers. I can’t leave, even if I believe it is not the truth."

We were captives in a system of deceit and I tried to comfort Trisha; so, I said, "We’ll do what we have to do. I don’t want to lose the kids or Tren either."
I did not rest as the internet became my new best friend and I discovered things about the Society--some I knew of and some I had never heard of, some made my hair curl, some made me sick to my stomach, some made me cultivate animosity. They owned used car dealer ships, auto repair shops in Canada, which repair damaged vehicles and resell them as road worthy vehicles. They owned orange grooves in Florida and sold the harvest to church groups in South Dakota, (the only way I found out about this was a female friend who lived in South Dakota told me several church groups bought the produce.) Why is that so bad? The answer is this: We had been taught to depend on Jehovah--don't buy life insurance, don't gamble, don't join the military, don't fight for your country, don't invest in stocks, don't conduct business with false religion. I was surprised to learn that the Watchtower Organization had subsidiaries:
Watch Tower Bible and Tract Society of Pennsylvania (Incorporated 1884)
Watchtower Bible and Tract Society of New York, Inc. (Incorporated 1909)
Watchtower Bible and Tract Society of New Jersey, Inc. (Incorporated 1955)
Watchtower Bible and Tract Society of Florida, Inc. (Incorporated 1986)
Valley Farms Corporation (Incorporated 1987)
Kingdom Support Services, Inc. (Incorporated 2000
Christian Congregation of Jehovah's Witnesses (Incorporated 2000) and the Religious Order of Jehovah's Witnesses (Incorporated 2000)
The new Christian Congregation of Jehovah's Witnesses and the Religious Order of Jehovah's Witnesses were the only two new subsidiaries I had heard because the Society announced the "new light" in their Branch Letter during a service meeting part. The thought, we sure are starting to imitate the Catholic Church with their orders of this and orders of that , and yet the same organization that told us, the rank and file, not to do these things and trust in Jehovah owned fifty percent of Rand Cam Engine Corporation from 1986, which is filed with the Securities and Exchange Commission.

SECURITIES AND EXCHANGE COMMISSION
WASHINGTON, D.C. 20549
-------------------------------

FORM 10-KSB

ANNUAL REPORT PURSUANT TO SECTION 13 OR 15(d) OF
THE SECURITIES ACT OF 1934

For the Fiscal Year Ended April 30, 2002

COMMISSION FILE NO. 0-23920

Rand Cam Engine Corp. is a privately held company whose stock is reportedly
owned 50% by The Watchtower Society, a religious organization, 34% by James
McCann and the balance by several other shareholders. Mr. McCann has indicated that he donated the shares held by The Watchtower Society to that organization but has retained a voting proxy for those shares. Accordingly, in Notes (3) and(4) above, beneficial ownership of the 5,073,200 shares registered in the name of Rand Energy Group Inc. has been attributed to The Watchtower Society and Mr. McCann. We believe it would be misleading and not provide clear disclosure to list as beneficial owners in the table the other entities and persons discussed in this paragraph, although a strict reading of Rule 13d-3 under the Securities Exchange Act of 1934 might require each such entity and person to be listed in the beneficial ownership table. page 26
This SEC excerpt was taken from the article Watchtower’s Investments in Warfare Technology and The First Casualty of War is The Truth.http://www.sec.gov/Archives/edgar/data/922330/000106299302000371/form10k.txt

Chapter 24 Reinforcing the Doctrines

Chapter 24 Reinforcing the Doctrines

I hung on until one afternoon when Trisha and I began watching the Oprah show. The topic turned toward the Rev. Jimmy Swaggart. We laughed and was beside ourselves about him being caught in a sleazy motel outside of New Orleans with a prostitute, and we showered the "Watch Tower Bible and Tract Society" with praises of being pure and clean. "Isn’t it nice to be part of a religion that lives its teachings," I said with pride.

"Yes it is. We’re so fortunate to live in a spiritual paradise," Trisha agreed.

"I’m gonna go look up Jimmy Swaggart on the internet and see what else I can dig up on that clown," I said in a condescending tone as I rose from the couch and enter the office and sat down at the computer desk. I typed in Jimmy Swaggart and began scanning the topics. My heart skipped a beat. "Jimmy Swaggart and Jehovah Witnesses" popped up and my hands started to tremble as I clicked the mouse and a window opened. "California Board of Equalization vs. Jimmy Swaggart Ministries." I read the tag line then open the article which stated the state of California wanted to assess sales taxes on the sale of books, tapes, and other items by Swaggart’s ministry. The Watch Tower Bible and Tract Society had filed amicus curiae (a friend of the court legal brief) in support of Swaggart’s position, in which a prepared statement declaring a religious organization should be exempt from such taxation. On Jan. 17, 1990, the Supreme Court ruled against Swaggart and permitted taxation.

It was then,I realized the society’s new policy of asking for donations for the literature instead of suggesting a specific price was a movement to beat the IRS out of taxes because donations are tax-free. I returned to the living room and told Trisha what I had found out.

"The Society is trying to save some money. Everything is up front and above board," she said blowing it off as nothing serious.

"If everything is above board why didn’t they inform the congregations they filed a "friend of the court brief with Jimmy Swaggart," I continued mulling over the discovery and said,"There are some funny things going on. Why did they change our meal program from charging for meals to giving a donation instead? Then why did they discontinue serving meals at assemblies to suggesting we bring bag lunches? You recall all these changes came bang, bang, bang--all after 1990. Remember," I said with skepticism countering her statement.

"I don’t have any different answers from what they mention through their letters to the congregation," she said sarcastically, "You've heard all the letters read as well as me, and we always agreed with the Society’s point of view, ‘these changes are loving provisions from Jehovah.’ All the sisters are happy with the new arrangements. Now their husbands can help them with the kids and listen to the program. You know all the changes are to help the brothers benefit from the assembly programs and receive the spiritual food instead of working during the programs. I don’t know why I have to come to the Society’s defense with you of all people," she said with indignation.

"They didn’t seem to mind how much the brothers missed the programs up until the donation arrangement came into existence, now did they? Could it be all about money, they were making money from the meals, I know that because they encourage everyone to eat at the assemblies because it was "good association and an expression of our faith." We all donated more at the assemblies for the new releases so they make money from the literature, and they make money from the parking tickets; and besides, we are always sending the remainder of the assembly funds to the Society," my response brought about the close of the conversation.

"I don’t want to talk about it anymore," she said adopting a typical application to the Society’s admonition, do not cast your pearls before swine, but shake the dust off your shoes and move on to those who are worthy. "Maybe you should stay away from the computer; and what is that World Wide Web anyway? You’re going to develop doubts if you keep it up. You better be careful," she said warning me.

"If the truth is the truth, then there isn’t anything to be afraid of, is it?" The question I posed seemed perfect and reasonable. The truth should stand on its own. The internet was a source of freedom of which I had never had during the past thirty years. I never researched anything outside the Society’s approved material and what I had just learned, open my mind to new ideas and I was stimulated, and became more adventurous after I picked up Warren’s ancient history book he left laying on the coffee table.. I flipped through the index and found Jerusalem, then searched for the topic "the fall of," found nothing; then saw "the destruction of Jerusalem." There wasn’t any date listed; so I turned to the chapter looking for the date 607 B.B.E.; there was no 607 B.C.E., but there was the date 586 B.C. The year 607 B.C.E. was not mentioned; therefore, I started researching the fall of Jerusalem. Every historical record supported the 586/587 date, even the web site dealing with the antiquities of the Jews placed the destruction to be in 586 B.C.E. Josephus' Antiquities of the Jews also backed up the 586 date. Jerusalem was under siege for many long months as the food ran out and disease and starvation spread throughout the city.

On July 10, 586 B.C., the Babylonian forces of king Nebuchadnezzar broke through the northern wall of Jerusalem and it was just a matter of time. The Jewish survivors were hauled across the Syrian Desert to Babylon, many of them perishing along the way. The Southern Kingdom of Judah had ceased to exist, the monarchy had ended and this marked the end of the First Temple Period and they set fire to Jerusalem and destroyed the outer walls of the city. All military, civil and religious leaders were executed or carried away into captivity. The poorest of the poor even back then were not wanted and left behind in Judah, which was in complete desolation.
Upon reading this, I now knew it was the Society that had everything to lose. Both the Jewish and Babylonian history agreed to the same date and it was not 607 B.C.E. The first person I told was Trisha as she came home from work I didn’t wait for her to sit down and I didn’t wait for her to relax. I blurted out, "Guess what I learned today?"

"What, did you learn," she said irritated.

"Honey, what happened in 607 B.C.E.?" I inquired with a scholarly air, pretending I was a professor of history.

"Babylon destroyed Jerusalem," she answered proudly. "Why?"

"That ain’t what Warren’s history book says. That ain’t what Josephus’ "Antiquities of the Jews" say. The Babylonian History doesn’t say 607," I stated in hope the things I was telling her would encourage her to understand we had been tricked, lied to, and bamboozled, but she held firm to the integrity of the Society’s historical accounts.

"They could all be wrong, you know what the Society says about world history; historians twist dates and facts around to discredit the Bible. Why are you questioning the Society after all these years?" she asked in astonishment.

"Who has the most to loose with the application of the wrong date? Is there any other religion that has its main doctrine based on 1914, and Jesus’ invisible presence? You remember 1975 don’t you? They were wrong about that date--Armageddon didn’t come, "Lit'el" Rags died and now they have changed the, this generation doctrine. Has it hit you yet? We are going to die and we are not going to see the New Order. I followed the Society to the tee. I stayed in a comfort zone, never missing meetings, working for crappy contractors and brothers just to make ends meet. There are not any retirement or medical plans we can fall back on. Why? Why--because I put my trust in God’s Organization, and now I find out it is bull shit." I said my voice turned into the voice Trisha and Rachelle hated. I was preaching a "holier than thou sermon" trying to tear down Trisha's resolve and march with me in an exit performance.

"You need to talk to the elders," her statement crushed me.

"I don’t need to talk to anybody. It’s over," I shouted. We’ve been hood winked, God damn it!" I said, taking God’s name in vain with all my conviction, and it sounded weird coming out of my mouth.

"You don’t have to talk like that," she commanded," call Alex and talk to him."
"You want me to talk to Alex, the guy that threw his TV out in the yard, been hauled before the brothers for fits of anger, and mistreating our daughter and grand children. Are you nuts?"

"That is in the past, he is an elder now!"

"It wasn’t too far in the past. A year ago Tren was here crying and wanting to get a divorce, if I remember correctly. I’ve been deleted longer than he has been a witness. I conducted the Babylon the Great Has Fallen! God’s Kingdom Rules! I know what is taught, but if it makes you happy I’ll call Alex." I dialed his number. "Hey Alex, glad to find you home. Look I’ve been doing some research-"

"That’s good Dad," the inflection in his voice gave proof he was both pleased and surprised I was studying again. "What are you researching?" He asked congenially.

"I happen to pick up Warren’s history book, guess what date Jerusalem was destroyed?" I asked.

"607 B.C.E," he responded, "you know the Society has all the historical data on the new C D Rom-"

"I know," I answered, "but I went to the Jewish Antiquity page on the internet as well as the Historical accounts written on the Babylonian Cuneiform tablets detailing the fall of Jerusalem. Everywhere I searched, 607 was never mentioned."

"Wait a minute Dad, I’ll put in the "Society’s C D and read it to you." I heard papers shuffling, and drawers opening and shutting, "here it is Dad." The whirr of the C D drive kicked in.

I knew he was going to start pulling up the same old dogma I had parroted over the past thirty years; so, before the C D drive stopped its whirring, I said, "Alex don’t waste your time, I can tell you how 1914 is calculated. I know the Faithful and Discreet Slave teaches 607 was the fall and I’m telling you there is not one scholar or history professor who corroborates the 607 date. Both the Jews and the Babylonian accounts state 587/586 as the 18th year of Nebuchadnezzar’s reign, 605 was the first year of his reign. The Society says 607 was the eighteenth year of Nebuchadnezzar’s reign when he entered Jerusalem and destroyed the city. What you think Alex?" My counter response fell on a dead moment, and then I heard some more shuffling of some papers, a click which I assumed to be a tape recorder and Alex clearing of his throat just before he asked, "Rags, are you telling me the Faithful and Discreet Slave is wrong?"

"I’m telling you Jerusalem fell in 587 by all accounts except us. That’s all I’m telling you." I knew where he was heading with his questioning. He needed to start the process of "keeping the congregation clean," culling out the dead wood, the "spiritual weak", the doubter, and the independent thinker--"Remove the unclean thing from among you." If he could prove I was becoming apostate; I would be "disfellowshipped" and considered a dog returning to his vomit--something detestable. Though I would be alive, I would be dead to family and friends.

"Do you believe the Faithful and Discreet Slave is being used by Jehovah as his Channel of Communication here on Earth," Alex’s question was trying to get me to admit to apostasy. From this moment on, I needed to be careful in what I said.

"I believe he has a channel of communication," I said having everything to loose and nothing to gain except my freedom, but what good was my freedom if my entire family refused to speak to me, and consider me dead. Shunning was not an option at this time, because my entire family was in the truth. Silas had been baptized for two years, and Warren had plans to be baptized. Trisha’s mother was baptized and she was in her seventies. Trisha had been loosing her health as of late and I was now 55 years old and fighting my own health problems and a multitude of different ailments. I did not want to get disfellowshipped--I could not get disfellowshipped, but I could not accept our teachings any longer.

"I’ll talk to you later at the meeting," Alex said as he hung up the phone. I was not going to the meeting tonight. I seldom went to the meetings anymore.

"Well, Honey," I said turning my attention back to Trisha. "I think fhit will hit the san tonight. I didn’t impress Alex with my research as you could hear."

"I think all that internet stuff is clouding your mind," she said with a shrug, "I don’t know what to say."

"There isn’t anything to say."

"Are you going to the meeting tonight?"

"No, I’m not."

"Why doesn’t that surprise me," she said under her breath as she walked to the bedroom. "I’ve got to get dress for the meeting," her voice increased in intensity, "Warren get your suit on!" The closing of the door punctuated her statement.

I could not wait for them to leave, and when they left, I opened a web page about Jehovah’s Witnesses and ran across an advertisement selling books written by and about Jehovah Witnesses. The two books, which caught my attention, were, In Search of "Christian Freedom" and "Crisis of Conscience," both written by Ray Franz. The tag line for "Crisis of Conscience" stated, "Ray Franz, former member of Jehovah’s Witnesses’ Governing Body and the nephew of the President of the Watchtower Bible and Tract Society, Fred Franz." I had never heard of Ray Franz; matter of fact, I was never interested in finding out the names of any of the Governing Body, but the description and synopsis jarred my memory, and I recalled some rumor in the eighties concerning a member of the Governing Body being disfellowshipped for apostasy. I remembered hearing a talk suggesting the discarding any material written by apostates, "don't even open the cover." The Society considered this literature demonized and by reading it, suggested the reader was inviting the demons into the reader’s home and mind.

I don’t think many at my level in the organization could have or was interested enough to have named the members of the Governing Body, but after realizing the brother mentioned was a member of the Governing Body we became excited. There was a consensus of "I think they must read and pray all day," as a fiend said one day, and I sure thought they did. I, like most, believed the Governing Body would be officious with the Bible as one member would articulate what he understood from Holy Spirit, and some other member would add to that until there was a unanimous assessment and consensus reached. There was little known about the process of how decisions were made or scriptures came to be understood. I never even thought about them, whoever they were. They were thought of as a group of men in NY who knew something we didn't know, and were obligated to spread the news they learned. "I never thought about their sources of enlightenment," said Sister Lenora Smith, a pioneer sister, one day during a discussion before we left the Hall for field service, "I am just flattered in hearing the latest news, the latest updates, anything that made me think the end is closer."

The Governing Body was a much talked about anonymous agency, much like the wizard in the Wizard of Oz. They were a voice, cloaked behind a curtain, of curiosity and humility using the phrase, "We want to give praise to Jehovah and not to receive praise, for we are just Jehovah’s instrument," as their mantra of reasoning behind the question: Why is there such anonymousness in the literature published by the Watchtower Bible and Tract Society? This is the only question one could ask about the Governing Body because the organization conditioned us to never question their understanding of the scriptures, and never run ahead. To question them would be to question the Organization, and to question the Organization was to question Jehovah--after all, they are Jehovah's "Channel of Communication" on Earth to distribute the food at the proper time--and to question their decision was a "disfellowshipping" offense.

The advertisement gave life to my newfound interest of why the Governing Body was so secretive; therefore, I ordered "Crisis of Conscience" and then turned off the internet. I did not want to answer any questions from Trisha about what I had been doing. My eyes drifted over to the shelf that held my binder. It had been years and a river of tears passed since I even thought about those words. I walked over and pulled it out, sat back down and opened it to the scrambled words, closed my eyes and ran my fingers over the page and words I had written twelve years earlier. I began to weep as memories open the pain in my heart once again and the words: He came to me again last night, my love flew to a new height fit in so lyrically with the scribbled words of: he smiled and said how are you dad I love you so don't be sad. It was as if a dam of pent up words rushed out, all making sense and rhyme, and I kept on writing, not caring for grammar or punctuation or anything else--for eighteen years I fought the fight you probed me on to my delight I didn't think I could take much more I got tired and opened death's door son what can I do tell me please I don't know dad I don't have life's keys you know I can come and stand in your dreams if you can do it do it by all means I must leave dad while you're asleep no no no I reached out my arms for his soul to keep I'll come again dad so keep your veracities until that time son until that time I'll keep your photographs, potted plants and memories. There it was finished--finalized. I was elated--so many hours had gone into this poem, and bang in five minutes, it was finished. It was my catharsis, and as I finished the last word, a weight lifted from my shoulders and I could feel my body purging itself of the pain, guilt, and heartbreak.

I rushed out when Trisha and the kids came home. I could not wait for the kids to go to bed so I could read the poem to her. We tried not to discuss "Lit'el" Rags in front of the kids because we broke down and it just made the situation go from bad to worst and the kids would end up in tears of sympathy for us--they were stronger than us--we were…. "The brothers were looking for you," she said to me before ordering the kids to go to bed.

"I bet they were," I replied and then brushed it off as I followed her into our bedroom as she undressed. "You know that ditty, photographs, potted plants and memories I was working on since "Lit'el" Rags died. Well, it is finished!"

"Good for you," she said sarcastically.We had been married too long to let a little scorn deter my plans.

"Do you want to read it?"

"No, you read it."

I began to read it, and it was just a mess of words without any meaning. It sounded so good--a work of art--in my mind as it was mentally punctuated. I stopped.

"You need to punctuate it, so it makes sense," she opined before asking, "Are you coming to bed?"

"No, I'm gonna fix this poem then I'll be here."

It was two o'clock in the morning when I completed the poem and woke Trisha up. "Honey,I got it fixed. Listen!"
Photographs, Potted Plants, and Memories
He came to me again last night; my love flew to a new height
He smiled, and said, "How are you Dad? I love you so don't be sad.
For eighteen years, I fought the fight.
You probed me on to my delight.
I didn't think I could take much more.
I got tired and opened death's door.
"Son what can I do, tell me please."
"I don't know dad. I don't have life's keys."
"You know I can come and stand in your dreams.
"If you can do it, do it, by all means."
"I must leave dad while you're asleep."
"No! No! No!" I reached out my arms for his soul to keep.
"I love you Dad and give my love to Mama please.
"Until that time son, until that time I'll keep your photographs, potted plants and memories.

"That's beautiful, Honey," Trisha said through a swelling of tears and crackling of voice and that was the last time I cried with a broken heart over "Lit'el" Rags.

Chapter 23 Oscillating Doctrines

Chapter 23 Oscillating Doctrines

I was proud to be a Jehovah’s Witness, because of the inculcation from the Society that we are Bible students and as smart as any theologian. I could, and did stand before preachers and argue different Bible topic to the point some preachers ended the discourse by just closing their doors. I walked away pleased I had won, but now as I began to evaluate many of our teachings was altered over the years through the guise of new light filtering through the faithful and discreet slave class I think back--won what? The arguments I won at the preachers’ door would no longer hold water, and maybe they just ended the conversation because I was unreasonable, arrogant, and plain ignorant.

The issue of our baptism came into play. The baptismal candidate were no longer being baptized in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit, but with "new light," those who were now being baptized were ask if they understood and agreed to giving the Watchtower Bible and Tract Society full authority over their lives. This meant the Society was removing Jesus as man’s mediator and usurping his position as mediator.

Earlier there had been an entire article in the "Watch Tower Magazine" explaining Jesus was only the mediator between the faithful and discreet slave class and Jehovah, while the faithful and discreet slave class moved into the self-appointed position of mediator between the other sheep or in other words the rank and file, and Jehovah.

The baptismal candidates are now under obligation to non other than The Watchtower Bible & Tract Society while Jesus, Jehovah, and Holy Spirit was removed and replaced with God’s spirit-directed organization setting the governing body in position to self-anoint themselves as the mediator. The methodical change via the baptismal questions came front and center in 1991after being accustomed to the new idea. The Organization introduced new light through a new study article, which placed the final nail in re-crucifying Jesus by removing him as the mediator for all mankind. The relationship between Jesus and all mankind was now ripe for the picking and the question was, "To whom is Jesus the mediator of?"
“Christ....is the “mediator of a new covenant” between Jehovah and spiritual Israel, the “Israel of God” that will serve as kings and priests in heaven with Jesus....So in this strict Biblical sense Jesus is the “mediator” only for anointed Christians....The great crowd of other sheep that is forming today is not in that new covenant.” (See The Watchtower, Feb.15, 1991, pg. 8) I sat there that Sunday and as I heard the paragraph read I though, my God, the anointed slave class is taking Jesus’ job away from him. They are usurping his authority as mediator. I no longer have any relationship with Jesus.”

I poked Trish in the ribs and whispered, “Did you get that point?”

“What point?”

“Aren’t you listening?”

“Mediator!”

“Shush, be quite.”

I turned my attention back to the study article and let things slide, because everyone sitting around us had turned toward us with a sanctimonious look of “Hey you’re disturbing us.”

So once again, there was new light, which now has taken all mankind out of the reach of Jesus’ sacrifice and his role of mediator. 1 Timothy 2:5 says, “For there is one God, and one mediator between God and men, a man, Christ Jesus, who gave himself as a corresponding ransom for all." The Word of God is very clear, and to me no matter what the organization brought forth as new light about the Mediator between God and all humanity, the mediator will always be one person--Jesus Christ. The Society disagrees with this. It has even gone as far as adding words to 1 Timothy 2:5, citing it as, “There is one God, and one mediator between God and men (not, all men)....” (The Watchtower, Nov. 15, 1979, pg 22)

The mainstream religious organizations maintained their teachings throughout thousands of years with the exception of the Catholic religion that changed eating fish on Friday to approving the eating of meat also. Their members are able to question teachings and harbor doubts without consequences, but as Jehovah’s Witnesses--we can not question the teachings or we are considered doubters, spiritual weak, marked, shunned, and worst of all labeled as an apostate and disfellowshipped.

New Light or new understanding must be accepted without question, whether it was brand new understanding, or whether the new understanding reverted to the previous understanding. This process was not a new aspect of the Society, and in retrospect, the founders of The Watchtower Bible and Tract Society would now be disfellowshipped for apostasy if they did not conform to all the new refinement of understanding, which took place from the founding in 1887.
In 1880 "We need not here repeat the evidences that the "seventh trump" began its sounding A.D., 1840, and will continue until the end of the time of trouble, and the end of "The times of the Gentiles," A.D., 1914, and that it is the trouble of this "Great day," which is here symbolically called the voice of the Archangel when he begins the deliverance of fleshly Israel."

The current changes are major as the doctrine of this generation took on the aspect of new light, because from 1880 to 1914 the Society taught 1914 was to bring an end to this system of things. From 1915 through 1916, new light indicated the year of 1914 was "the end of the gentile times." In 1955, when my family became interested, we were taught 1914 marked the invisible presence of Christ, and the generation that saw the world events, which occurred from 1914, would be the generation to see the end of the earthly governments and the establishment of God’s Kingdom on earth.
1955 "The very fact that, as part of Jehovah's secret, no one today is able to find out how much time Adam and later Eve lived during the closing days of the sixth creative period, so no one can now determine when six thousand years of Jehovah's present rest day come to an end. Obviously, whatever amount of Adam's 930 years was lived before the beginning of that seventh-day rest of Jehovah, that unknown amount would have to be added to the 1976 date." (Watchtower, February 1, 1955, p. 95)
"Just think, 1975 marks the end of 6,000 years of human experience.....Will it be the time when God executes the wicked?....It very well could be, but we will have to wait to see.' (Watchtower, 1/5/1967, p 262)

Nineteen sixty eight "More recently, the book entitled "Famine-1975!" [by W. & P. Paddock, 1967, pp. 52,55,61.] said concerning today's food shortages: "Hunger is rampant throughout country after country, continent after continent around the undeveloped belt of the tropics and subtropics. Today's crisis can move in only one direction - toward catastrophe. Today hungry nations; tomorrow starving nations." … "By 1975 civil disorder, anarchy, military dictatorships, runaway inflation, transportation breakdowns and chaotic unrest will be the order of the day in many of the hungry nations." (The Truth That Leads To Eternal Life, p 88-89, 1968)

Nineteen eighty,If the wicked system of this world survived until the turn of the century (the year 2000), which is highly improbable in view of world trends and the fulfillment of Bible prophecy, there would still be survivors of the World War I generation. However, the fact that their number is dwindling is one more indication that "the conclusion of the system of things" is moving fast toward its end. (The Watchtower, Oct. 15, 1980, p. 31)

The May 1, 1985 WT (p. 4) makes the statement: "Before the 1914 generation completely dies out, God’s judgment must be executed." The society taught from 1955 those born from 1914 and thereafter would never die and they would be the ones who saw the ushering in of the New Order."

The year 1992, the "Channel of God" introduced new light once more, and this time, changing the chronology of "this generation" wield a two-edge sword, and prophetically pushed this generation to the point mathematically: one, those who made up the class of this generation would never see the New Order alive. We were going to die. "Lit'el" Rags would never be resurrected; two, the hope of entering the new order was now moved to a future date in the twenty first century.

The generational teachings changed as much as the teachings of who is the "King of the North" and "King of the South." The Society in their 1958 book "Your Will Be Done on Earth" (pages 263 & 278) stated the "king of the south" is fulfilled in present day Britain and America, and the "king of the north" is the Soviet Union.

The Society taught the King of the North was Russia, and then a new understanding came later the King of the North is the UN. It changed once again back to being Russia, and now-to-date the faithful and discreet slave class after years of "tacking" admitted they could not tell who the King of the North or the King of the South was, or is, and only history would be able to tell, but who cared about the flip flop of which country played what role in history, but the generational flip-flop was a life changing ordeal as my beloved religion’s history began changing right before my eyes, much like the Orwellian concept of "Animal Farm." Where in the past, I would have overlooked it but now I sensed something wrong, but I could not put my finger on it and it bothered me. It is now approaching an unrecognizable stage and no one is paying attention or we are afraid to say anything because we may be marked as weak, labeled as troublemakers, or tagged with the dreaded "apostate label.

The entire progression of recycling "old light" into new light then reverting back into the understanding the "old light" is now the new light took effect on me to a point I began to question Jehovah as to his intelligence. What do I mean by this? I mean any super natural being who created everything could not be so confused as to keep changing his mind on doctrines that kept his servants on Earth confused. Religion should be simple such as Jesus said, "Truly I say to you, unless you turn around and become as young children, you will by no means enter into the kingdom of the heavens." Matthew chapter 18 verse 3 "New World Translation of the Holy Scriptures."

This religion was anything but childlike as we were expected to read study, and accept without question every change brought forth, and in doing so, I was unable to recognize this religion anymore,and the beginning of my downward spiral.

Chapter 22 Nightmares

CHAPTER 22 NIGHTMARES

Tuesday, was Trisha’s Friday and it was always a good day for her, but there was something different when she arrived home. The first words were, ‘I’m so tired Honey, I can't seem to put one foot in front of the other. I’ve not felt good since my hip surgery. I thought I was going to have to call you to help me step up into the cab. We sure need running boards or handles on that van, it’s so high."

"I know we need running boards. It’s just about too high for me and there isn’t anything wrong with me. Sweetheart you went back to work too soon. I told you that the concrete floor you have to walk on is bad. They ought to have rubber mats around the bench. My God, most people take a year off, but no, not you, ‘I have a bakery to run.'" I mimicked her standard comment when the topic of the bakery came up.

"I didn’t come home to argue about anything," she snapped.

"When you are dead and gone do you think Safeway’s bakery will close down," I retorted. "No! I don’t think so-o-o-o-o-o." I was bent on getting my point across as I ignored her statement about arguing.

"I don’t care what they do at the moment. If I’m dead and gone then I won’t have to worry about anything will I?"

"No, you won’t," I replied sarcastically.

"I’m so tired. I’m going to take a hot bath and see if I feel better, then I’m going to bed. Just take care of the kids, OK. I’ll see you in the morning," her voice had softened to a point I thought she was going to run out of air before the sentence was complete.

"I have supper ready if you’re hungry," not waiting for a response I ask, "You want me to bring you a plate? I can bring you a plate Honey. It’s the old stand-by Burritos."

"All I want to do is take a bath and go to bed. Thank you anyway," she said as she limped passed me and entered our bedroom.

The boys burst into the house with Silas pushing Warren through the door, "Knock that crap off right now," I demanded.

Warren asked his most important questions, "What’s for supper?" and "Where’s Mom?"

"Mama is taking bath, she’s not feeling good so I want you guys to be quite and knock all your rough housing off. You hear me? We are having Burritos." I answered.

"What’s wrong with Mom?" Silas asked.

"Her hip is hurting and she is tired, so I need you guys to settle down and cool it."

"Did you fix the Burritos like you always do?" Warren asked.

"Yes."

"With onions?"

"Yes," I answered.

"You diced the onions, or just whacked them up," Warren inquired.

"Diced! Just the way you like them," I replied, then asked, "You writing a book?"

"No, just wanted to get my mind in gear for your concoction."

"Ya’ll sit down and I’ll put supper on the table."

We began to dish up, when I heard Trisha calling, "Rags, o-o-h Rags, o-o-oh Rags."

"I’ll go see what your Mama needs," I told the boys as I pushed my chair back, walked down the hall into our bedroom, and entered the master bath.

"What you want, Honey?" I asked.

"I wasn’t calling you," she replied raising her head out of the water.

It had been twelve years since we lost "Lit'el" Rags and I was caught off guard. Once again, the familiar feeling of helplessness rushed over me and all I could think of was getting out and letting Trisha deal with her pain the best she could. There was no need to have us both crying our hearts out while the boys are in the house; therefore, I responded as I backed out the bathroom, "Oh, okay, I’ll let you go back to enjoying your bath." I closed the door giving her privacy.

"What did Mama want?" Silas asked as I returned to the supper table.

"Nothing really," I replied, "Just reminiscing about "Lit'el" Rags."

"O-o-oh," was the only word uttered, and it came out in unison from both of the boys, then an uncomfortable silence, which we used as an excuse to start the cleaning process of the table and dishes.

The following morning Trisha came out to the kitchen and said, "I think I have to go back to bed. I’m so short winded. It took every ounce of energy I had to get this far."

I pulled a chair from the table. "Here sit here before you fall," I said. She sat and after a few moments, she regained her breath and I helped her back to our bedroom.

"Just sit here and relax. She sat down and took a deep breath as if she had run a mile. She was pasty white, void of all color. "If you aren’t any better in a couple of hours I’ll take you to the doctor."

"I don’t think I can wait a couple of hours," she whispered trying to catch her breath.

"Okay, relax! I’ll go call Doctor Myers." I was surprised the receptionist didn’t argue with me about the request for an appointment ASAP. I guess since Dr. Myers was the primary physician and recommended her hip replacement she realized it was a serious request. I set the phone back into its saddle and relayed the message, "Honey, we got an appointment. They want you there ASAP. Don’t worry about getting dressed. We gotta go. Just go in your house coat," my words were one half a plea, and one-half command.

We were ushered into an examination room without having to complete any paper work, which surprised me. Doctor Meyers rushed in and began doing all the nurses work such as: checking her blood pressure, temperature and vitals, then proceeded with his stethoscope listening to her breathe which she had difficulty in doing. Checked her eyes, examined her neck, arms. His hands traveled to her feet and said, "Mrs. Walker, I want you to lie down." Trisha did as he said and he pushed her nightgown above her knees. "How long have you had problems with shortness of breath?"

"About three days," Trisha’s answer came with a gasping of breath.

"When did exhaustion start?"

"It’s been getting worst over the past three or four days. My hip has been hurting so I just figured I was tired because of the pain and having to stand all day."

"You should have remained on disability for a while longer, but I don’t think your
hip has anything to do with what going on with you now. How long have you had this rash?"

"What rash?" Trisha inquired, then responded, "I haven’t notice any rash or itching."

His brow twitched and he mumbled under his breath, "I hope what I’m seeing isn’t what I think it is."

I leaned over, took a closer look, and ran my fingers over her legs. The individual dots were so small that with a quick glance one would overlook them. Her legs looked more as she had a slight sunburn or had a case of Chiggers--not anything serious.

"What, do you think it is the measles?" I asked showing my ignorance.

"No, if it is what I think it is, then it is much more serious than measles," he said. "I was an intern in San Francisco years ago when I first saw a case of Thrombocytopenia."

"Throm...what," I stammered, "is that?"

"Thrombocytopenia is a serious blood disorder."

"Cancer!" I exclaimed as I peered into Trisha’s eyes and squeezed her hand.

"No, it is not cancer, but just as serious."

"Oh my God!" Trisha exclaimed placing a hand over her mouth as she pulled herself to a sitting position and tears swelled and her breath became even shorter, quick gasps. I took her in my arms to comfort and reassure her.The question, "How serious?" was muffled under the tissue that Doctor Myers handed her from the box near the sink.

"Very--I have an associate practicing over at Lakeside Hospital. He has dealt with the disorder just recently. I am going to call him now and have him meet you at the hospital. They will want to do blood work and give you a spinal tap. I know you are familiar with the tests they will need."
Trisha began to cry uncomtrollably,and the fear I felt made me sick.

Dr. Myers squeezed Trisha’s shoulder and said, "I pray I’m wrong, but there is only one way we can tell. I’ll see you at the hospital after I confer with Doctor Wilbright. We’ll cross our fingers and pray for the best."

An Orderly met us at admitting and placed Trisha in a wheel chair. An Attendant led me to a waiting room where I filled out the admissions and insurance papers. The hands on the clock seemed locked as the minutes dragged on. I was getting more nervous and jittery and in no shape to call the kids; though, I mustered my composure and phoned Rachelle to let her know where we were and what was going on and ask her to check on the boys.

The nurse came and led me to the room where Trisha laid with tubes projecting from her body. Dr. Myers came in and said, "I’m sorry, my worst fear has come true. Your wife has Thrombocytopenia, as I told you at the office it is serious. We are not set up here in Lake County to give her the proper care; so, I am arranging to have her sent to Santa Rosa. She is too weak now and needs oxygen and it is to her best interest to have her transferred by ambulance. Dr. Wilbright has conferred with Dr. Zuker who is one of the top specialists in the oncology and hematology field.
My mind was about to short circuit from the vast amount of data it was having to process. I didn’t have any friends to lean on, and I didn’t know what I was thinking when I arrived home and informed Silas of the doctor’s diagnosis and said, "Call Rachelle and tell her what I just told you; have Rachelle call Grandma, but by no means tell Tren." Tears and fear flowed across and down my face. "God, what a mess, if you never helped me before, please help me now," I prayed under my breath.
The road from Clearlake over Mount St. Helena was not built for speed and the passing lanes were several miles apart and seemed even further. I was relieved as I saw the lights of the ambulance flashing ahead of me. I caught up to it as we reached the Petrified Forest and settled down staying a car’s length from the ambulance. We entered the emergency area and Trisha was admitted.

Trisha was pale her eyes were closed. She had a bruise where the IV was inserted into her hand. Her breath was deep, drawing as much oxygen as she could get through the small hoses entering her nose. The nurse and orderly aligned the gurney with the bed and I helped them repositioned Trisha in bed. She moaned and opened her eyes, saw me, smiled, and drifted off again.

The orderly introduced himself and said, "If there is anything we can get you feel free to ask. Dr. Zuker should be here shortly."

I was just beginning to answer him when the door open and a distinguished looking man strolled through the door and said, "Mr. Walker, I presume?"

"Yes."

"I’m Doctor Zuker, I’ll be attending your wife. This is a serious situation we are facing. We ran another blood panel and performed another spinal tap, and I’m sorry to say it agrees with both Dr. Myers and Doctor Wilbright."

"What’s the prognosis," I asked.

"The future looks dim at the moment. She needs blood transfusions, whole blood as well as platelets, and kidney dialysis to filter her blood. The physical damage is quite advanced. It would have been better if your wife had been diagnosed at lease four days earlier. It is such a rapid and progressive blood disorder."

"Do whatever you need to do," I said, "but I need to tell you my wife is a Jehovah’s Witness."

"Is that going to present a problem?" Dr. Zuker asked. "Do you think she will sign a consent form for the blood? Are you a Jehovah’s Witness?" The scowl on his face deepened even further with the anticipation of my answer.

"Yes I am, but I no longer believe the dogma," I answered. Then told him, "Doctor Zuker, I need your help too, though I no longer believe the witness dogma, I’ll be disfellowshipped if any body finds out. The treatments must be kept a secret. There is a J W, who works in the engineering department. He is an elder in one of the congregation here we were best of friends. There is no way he can know what is going on."

His face softened and compassion appeared in his eyes as he answered, "Mr. Walker, make a list, give it to the Head Nurse and each shift will brief the oncoming shift about your concerns. I will inform her now and she will carry out your wishes. I am pleased I am not going to have to fight with you and get a court order, and I would have. Without blood, your wife does not have a chance. I assure you, we will work with you to keep everything close to the chest. I’ll have the nurse bring you a consent form, you talk to your wife when she awakens and we will start the treatments when it is signed." He turned and asked the floor nurse, "Mrs. Bates, do we have any blood consent forms? If not call the business office and have some sent up."

"I believe we have some on the floor."

"Have Mr. Walker complete the forms." I was ready to continue our conversation when he said, "Excuse me Mr. Walker," and he then turn back to the nurse, "Nurse Bates, would you please come with me?" He escorted her to the enclosed observation room and I could see him pointing at me and gesturing as if he was writing. He patted Mrs. Bates’ shoulder and they returned to where I was standing. "I’ll see you tomorrow Mr. Walker, and Mrs. Bates, please carry through with what we discussed."

"Mr. Walker, here is a note pad go make your list and I’ll bring the consent form as soon as I complete the rounds. Everything is set up to start the treatments in the morning." I returned to Trisha’s side and began to make a list of who could be admitted and who could not. It was going to be a task to make everything work without ending up disfellowshipped.

Now with the new light concerning the use of blood fractions stating, "Any fraction of blood could be used or transfused into the body, except for the use of whole blood," did not make sense to me, as I reasoned blood is blood, no matter how it was broke down. If one could use any fraction or combination of fractions then why not whole blood, and with that reasoning, the proverbial line in the sand was drawn. I did not want the Hospital Liaison Committee; therefore, they were placed on the un-invited list, along with every elder in the Clearlake Congregation.

There had been many article concerning "Theocratic Warfare" and its strategy. I had read them all and each time the illustration when I was boy came to mind, and I decided to apply it into the master stratagem to protect Trisha from her sentence of death. I lost my son--I’d be damn if I was going to lose my wife.

I was at the nurses' station, turning in the completed visitation list that just named the immediate family members, when I saw Rachelle, Silas, and Warren appear around the corner approaching me. I doubled time to them and with every step, my rubber souls generated a squeak that proved everyone was correct--I did scrape my heels when I walked. I began cluing them in on my plan, and when we reached Trisha’s room, I heard the word dad echoing down the corridor in an undertone. I turned around and saw Tren and Alex at the corner.

Alex had come along way from the kid trying to find his niche in the working world. You know a person who can fall in a pile of manure and come out smelling like a rose. Alex, stumbled into a job at Redbud Hospital, and he liked it. He could pretend he was a doctor, dress nice, and hob-knob with the department heads, run a computer and wear an engraved name tag with a title on it which gave him something he had lost--his swagger. It returned, and it was walking down the hall beside my daughter. The job suit his tall, dark, and handsome persona that helped him appear professional. I told him one day you could pass as a physician. "I have on several occasions. I know how to look up records and I have learned some terminology so I have fun, he said with a smile on his face and pride in his voice." He was in his environment--in a hospital and next to the nurses' station.
I acknowledge Tren with a wave, stepped into the room and I looked at Rachelle. "Didn’t I tell you not to call Tren?" I asked surprised to see Tren so soon.

"I didn’t call Tren. I called Grandma like you told me to do. I guess Grandma called her."

"Yeah, that’s what happen," I said under my breath. "I don't know what I was thinking about." I should have known Grandma would call Tren, she would call Alex and he would call the Hospital Liaison Committee and the Hospital Liaison Committee would try to run interference for Trisha and me.

Tren and Alex entered the room and Tren hugged me and asked, "Why didn’t you answer me?"

"I needed to get to your mom," I said using theocratic warfare.

"It will be okay Dad; Alex called the Hospital Liaison Commit--"

"I’m so sorry Dad," Alex said interrupting Tren as he reached out his hand and as I grasp his he brought me into his chest as he continued, "Mom and Dorsey sends their love. All the friends send their love and prayers. Dad, I informed the HLC. I knew you didn’t have time to do so before you left home. Brother Smithe will be here to help you with the doctor’s"

"I don’t want the HLC here I don’t want anybody here," I said. "I don’t have time to associate with any of them. I have my wife to worry about. You can call them and tell them to help some other brother who is worthy of their consideration." Alex released me and stepped away from me as if I was contaminated with a contagious disease. He had a confused look on his face and his concern turned into a scrawl. This was not going to be a "Kodak Moment."